Operating Instructions: How To Make Love to a Woman

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How do you make love to a woman he sneered?
He had wound up and launched his insult from the pitchers mound
Hurling it my way with contempt
but I decided to catch it in my mitt
to pull it close to my heart,
And redeem it with vulnerability
to transform the thing and give it wings

How do you make love to a woman he sneered?
Well, if you want to be good at it,
I suggest you go slow, I replied.
settle in because we’re going to be chatting for a while.

I start in the morning sometimes before dawn
Getting up when I hear the sound of our dogs
I take them out and feed them as my love lays asleep
because she appreciates it when I let her sleep in.
I keep it going at midday
by doing her laundry without being asked.
I romance her at dinner time by making dinner
and then I pre-soak the dishes because that’s her favorite move
(There’s more than one way to make love to a woman)

We continue at bedtime when I ask, “Where does it hurt?”
And if she points to a place inflamed by her cerebral palsy,
I handle those places with care.
I touch her body as if it were my own body
I massage all the sore and tender places
As long as she wants until the pain subsides
I apply special salves and medicines, whatever she needs
(You see there’s more than one way to make love to a woman)

Sometimes when the pain relents
she lets out a satisfied sigh
when she’s really relieved, sometimes she cries
And when she cries, I cry too
here’s a little secret,
when she’s in pain, I feel it deep in my bones
when she’s relieved, I feel newfound peace in my soul
I realize I was made for this, made for her
When she feels relief, I feel pleasure
When she feels pleasure, I feel relief
This is what it means for two people to become one
(You see there’s more than one way to make love to a woman)

Some nights, she points to her heart
This is the place where she wants me to make love,
And so I huddle in close and speak tenderly
I tell it all the things it longs to hear
and then I hold her close and let her cry,
I rock her and remind her that I’ve got her
until her heartbeat steadies and syncs with mine
Have you ever been so close to someone that you’re not sure
Which heartbeat is theirs
which heartbeat is yours?
Have you ever been so close
that you’ve stopped asking those questions
about yours, mine, and ours
because everything is just ours?
(there’s more than one way to make love to a woman)

How do you make love to a woman, he sneered?
Creatively
Joyously
Mischievously
Consistently
Faithfully
Mysteriously
Predictably
Erratically
Passionately
Gently
Roughly
Spiritually
Lustily
In earthbound ways
with two feet planted on the ground
In celestial ways
with head facing the stars
Constantly
After long absences
In the hum drum of day-to-day living
Quickly
Slowly

You make up the rules as you go
round and round, life is a circle
and so your love goes round and round too
(there’s more than one way to make love to a woman)

How do you make love to a woman he sneered?
You celebrate every touch
because you’re more aware than most
That this is a damn miracle,
You look into her eyes with intention
You intend to really see her
You vow to spend a lifetime learning her
Relearning her, learning her, relearning her
You commit to change and grow together
you learn to move when she moves,
to flex when she flexes
To mold your body to fit into all of her sacred curves
and bend where she bends
hearts and minds meet at the bend too

I cannot stress this enough
coordination is very important
You spend a fair amount of time at the beginning
learning the poetry
of living life in lockstep together
Instead of marching to the beat of your own solo drums

You promise every square inch of her skin
That you’ll do your best to make it come alive
You invite it to speak its truth
to tell it’s own story
With your ears perked, you’re ready to receive
(there’s more than one way to make love to a woman)

How do you make love to a woman, he sneered?
Pay attention.
Be present.
Behave yourself like a mystic
Prepare yourself for worship
to enter the province of divine encounter
Like all holy pilgrims do
Be awe struck. Be wrecked by beauty.
If the spirit moves
then speak in tongues
in fits of ecstatic praise
If the spirit moves,
then hold space for silence and reverence
as you hold space for each other too
(there’s more than one way to make love to a woman)

Like a deer in the headlights
His eyes growing wide,
he stared at me.
His jaw dropped and frozen

Have I answered your question I replied?
Vulnerability really is a hell of a thing.
You should try it sometime
living your life naked and unashamed

If you’re still confused about the mechanics
I’ll let you google those,
but I’ll leave you with this
(there’s more than one way to make love to a woman)

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